by DAVID L. PENNER
It’s official. Hell has finally frozen over in the wide world of sports. Every aspect of any game has either gone to the toilet or it’s just plain freaky. So here’s the run down for all of the wacko or idiotic things that have happened since the Giants lost the World Series.
The Cincinnati Bungles- sorry I mean Bangles- have finally won a game.
Peter Warrick actually lived up to his number one over-all draft pick hype of three years ago and did something on the field other than fumble or drop a pass. He caught seven passes for 78 yards and a touchdown.
At least now the Bangles don’t have to worry about not winning a game and being like the ’75 Bucs team that lost every game of that season.
In the NBA, the crown jewel of basketball, the Lakers, started the season 0-2. This special treat for Los Angeles fans hasn’t been accomplished in almost 15 years.
I wouldn’t be too worried about it though, in the games since then, Kobe Bryant has had two triple-doubles, is averaging just a shade under 31 points but the Lakers are still only 2-5 so far4 this season. It will be all right once Shaq gets back.
Now I have some sad news from the world of basketball. Grant Hill has been sidelined again for the third straight year because of soreness in his surgically repaired left ankle. Yeah right, who didn’t see this one coming?
Hill, though sometimes showing flashes of brilliance, hasn’t been an impact player since he was traded to the Orlando Magic. He’s more like a $100 million cheerleader.
Okay, I know that nobody watches hockey around here but this is at least worth mentioning.
Perennial doormat/bottom dweller/we-lived-in-hockey-obscurity-our-entire-NHL-existence Tampa Bay Lighting are sitting on top of their division for the first time ever. Yes, my friends. It is a sad day indeed when one is forced to have to mention the Lightning in the same breathe as the Detroit Red Wings or Colorado Avalanche.
I hope everybody is sitting down because this is by far the stupidest or most amusing thing you will read in a while.
We all know soccer is the most popular sport in the world. So what happens when the first-place team in an Argentinean league is slapped with a bad call? Do they give up? No! They score 149 points against themselves to protest the officiating, that’s what they do. The coach actually instructed his team to do this. And we thought Bobby Knight had problems.
I don’t know about anyone else but now that the temps are falling in hell I might not actually be so scared about ending up in the new icy pits of Gahanna. If you have any questions or comments I’ll be in penthouse #665 right next to the beast.
November 15, 2002
Sports